Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
