If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
