Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
