Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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