FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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