ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
