didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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