good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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