did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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