Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
