very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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