Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
