Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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