Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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