Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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