Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
