if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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