nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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