are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
