I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
