Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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