i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
