bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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