Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
