just tell him i said nine months
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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