you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
