ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
