If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
