Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
