I hate your face
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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