NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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