Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
