You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
