im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
