I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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