Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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