my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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