Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
