I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
