What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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