Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
