I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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