chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
