Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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