Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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