she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
