you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm like, not good at living.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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