I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
