I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
