Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
